The pain after a breakup can be extremely hard to deal with, especially if you were heavily invested in the relationship. The old adage “Time Heals Everything” is true, but only to an extent. There are some who suffer from breakup pain even years after the breakup. Everyone feels pain, but for some people, this pain turns into suffering.
How Do You Get Over a Breakup? For some people, it might seem like there’s an easy solution. Just accept that the relationship ended and move on. But for others going through a breakup, it might be the hardest thing they have ever had to do. To make it easier, here is a simple 5-Step process to help you get over your breakup.
Step 1—Realize There Is Hope.
A breakup usually leaves your mind in turmoil and confusion. You feel like everything that was important to you has been taken away. You feel like the only person that mattered to you does not care about you anymore. You feel like you will never be happy again. You feel like you will never fall in love again. You feel like there is no hope.
But in reality, none of that is true. The only thing you actually lost is a relationship with a person you loved. And even though it ended, it was probably for the best. If a relationship ends, it’s because it was broken. And it’s better to be single than be in a broken relationship.
You have to understand that the negative thoughts inside in your mind are not true. They are there because you lost a loved one. Do not let these thoughts affect your outlook on life. Reassure yourself that you will get through this and you will learn to be happy again.
Step 2—No Contact
If you had been in a relationship with your ex for a long time, you were pretty much addicted to having them in your life. In fact, it could be that the love you feel for your ex is just a form of resistance to change.
How do you break this addiction of your ex? By going cold turkey and cutting all contact with her/him. This means no messages, no Facebook stalking, no calls, no bumping into ex “accidentally.” You will occasionally get the urge to win your ex back, but remember that it’s just your mind trying to avoid the pain of separation by making you get back into a bad relationship.
When you sever contact with your ex, you will slowly start realizing that you can live without her/him and be happy.
Step 3—Give Yourself Time To Grieve
You loved and you lost. And when you lose someone you loved, you will grieve. It’s a natural process of handling loss. You will go through all the stages of grief (as explained in the Kübler-Ross model), and you will hate it. You might even go through it more than once. But in the end, you will come out a lot stronger. All the emotions you will go through are completely natural.
Remember, though, do not mistake these emotions for love. It’s not happening because you still love your ex. It’s simply a mental reaction that everyone has while going through mourning and loss.
Step 4—A Little Soul Searching
Breakups can be an incredible opportunity for growth. Even though it’s cliché, there’s still truth to the expression, “no pain, no gain.” You are already in pain, you might as well gain something out of it. What can you gain from a breakup? You can learn a little more about yourself. You can try to understand what went wrong in the relationship. What made you so addicted to your ex? Were you getting your self-esteem from being in this relationship? Do you need approval from your partner to feel good about yourself? What do you think you need from your ex to be happy?
Start writing your thoughts in a journal. Try meditation. Do some Yoga. Start doing things you enjoy by yourself. Find out what your goals in life are. Find out what type of relationship will make you happy. Find out what type of girl will be perfect for you.
Step 5—Start Dating Again
Once you think you have regained your confidence, healed lingering wounds and have finally moved on, it’s time to start dating again. You will know when you are ready. Going on dates can actually help you regain some perspective. However, do not rush into a relationship until you are sure you’ve completely moved on.
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