Things Not To Do On Your First Date

Haha!!  Gotcha… Firstly, this is Nigeria. No matter how many Gossip girl episodes you’ve watched, we do not go on dates. We Nigerians like to “see” or “just chill”. We may say we are dating but we know it’s really “going out”. That’s what you told that Jennifer from Ozone isn’t it? Don’t deny it. You’ve probably got her name saved as Jennifer-Ozone on your phone. Anyway, I did promise to tell you things not to do, so I’ll do just that.

1)Being Yourself

I cannot stress how important this is. A lot of romantic how-tos and self-help guides say you need just be yourself. Hmmph.. famous last words. Which one of your selves? The clumsy, step on your toes, can’t hold a tray to save your life self, or the stammering nervous wreck you become when the pretty chic shows up? I think not. Then again you might be a smooth, suave, Don Draper-esque womanizer but you are reading this article, so I think not. Do a few stretching exercises to limber up then slide out of your skin like a greased penguin on ice. You should be aiming for Barney Stinson meets Damon from Vampire Diaries. If however, you are suave and cool, then by all means be you.

2) Being too open

You are warm, fuzzy, and entertaining, regaling her with tale after tale of your childhood. In about 30 minutes, she is relaxed and open. She begins to tell you embarrassing stories about herself. You are pretty close now, just like old friends. BAM!! Friendzone. You didn’t even see it coming. A gentleman should have a bit of mystery about him. Oui, the ladies love it.

3) Arguing

We all love our TV series. Many a couple have bonded over mutual love for a show or a character. Do not, for whatever reason, get into an argument over which Salvatore brother is hotter (arguments over the Hemsworths are ok), Justin Beiber’s sexual orientation(if she’s arguing this, she’s probably too young, bro), or whatever touchy topic might come up. You can catch more honeys with a well timed nod and listening than all the oratory of Cicero.

4) Trying to impress

Quick math bro. An average hot chic meets a guy every 5 minutes. That’s 300 guys in 5 hours. Ok, maybe not that much but she’d still meet a lot. You’d be hard pressed to be hotter, fresher, richer, etc-er than all these dudes. What you bring to the interaction shouldn’t be monetary, or physical but rather something that expresses your uniqueness and creativity (or that of the cool dude you are playing). Your witty speech and improvisation skills have never had a better platform. Think of it as selling yourself. What is important to the customer isn’t why you are better than the competition, but why you are best for them.

There you go. Don’t do these four things and you’ll be ok. Remember to tell me how it goes. Holler at me on twitter @kotuya