[Confession] She Gave Me Hope Again And Stood By Me. Now, I Lost Her To Her Ex!

Okay, so over the past few months there is this girl that I fell madly in love with, we met in April through friends. At that point in time I was really going through some hard times, too hard to explain through this post. And I have hard a hard time finding someone to go out, or meet a nice lady to talk to. 

So like most people, I prayed. I prayed to God long and hard asking that through these tough times, that through all these bad things happened, that the one thing I wanted to find was just someone to change me, and change my life. I prayed for the perfect person. Cliche I know… But low in the hole, I kind of doubted that things would get any better from there. Then, God introduced me to this… this amazing person. Words can’t even describe how amazing she is. 

She’s gorgeous to me, Sure there are more beautiful girls out there, but she is my One In Six Billion, she makes my world the most beautiful. She brightens up my world like nobody else. She picked me up when I was down, the reason I have smiled through that time. She has the prettiest smile, the sweetest laugh, just everything a guy like me could have asked for. She also strengthened my faith in God. There was a reason we met the way we did. She means the absolute world to me, and I love her.

Now to the point on why I am here, recently it seemed like she was distancing herself from me… Because she didn’t want to hurt me. I expressed my feelings for her and she was speechless, I think it clicked that “There’s a guy that truly loves me, maybe all guys aren’t the same.” Her Ex came back in the picture…. I know, I know just let me finish. Now they broke up I want to say in November 2012. They have been together for almost 3 years. 

That was her first love, you know she’s been through a lot, she was hurt pretty bad, and he was the FIRST guy there for her you know. I understand that once you love someone it is so hard to let go of your feelings for them. She has tried to get over him, she really has. I have seen it and I feel what she says, somewhat. She’s been more involved with church. Just doing anything to take her mind off of him. And yet, he always finds away back into her thoughts, and her mind…. I have asked her about her past relationships, just so I can get a sense of where I stood comparative to her past boyfriends. 

I standout from the rest, not being cocky or anything, I am the one who has remained faithful, and sincere. I am the one who has not been like “The Others.” I have asked what is it that your past boyfriends have done to make you move on, So I can know what Not to do. Some were just childish, one was just a rebound guy she had no feelings for, then the most significant, ex-boyfriend, the 2.5 year relationship, crossed her line of trust, by laying his hands on her son. 

A big no no. He also cheated on her, and got another girl pregnant with twins. I would NEVER do that. The reason he cheated? Because his friends led him to believe that he was doing the right thing by cheating. Because they said “Well obviously she was cheating on you with someone else, this just makes it fair.” Stupidity, right? If you love someone, you trust them, Why not confront her with the situation, instead of listening to your buddies who don’t even like her? They’ll tell you anything. So you can wrap your mind to tell you “You’re doing the right thing.” 

Come to find out she wasn’t cheating at all… Just going through a really really really hard time with things that have happened in the past, with family, with her son, with a lot of things. He defiled her trust.

Now we are here, today. I have fallen hard for this girl, and I absolutely love her. She didn’t want me to fall too hard because once again he has found a way to get back into her heart, and into her mind. And she just doesn’t know what it is about him, and about herself to keep letting him find his way back into her life, but it happens. She still had a small ray of hope that things would get better between them. 

This is what she has told me… It’s not that I’m not a great guy, She has said that she just doesn’t know why, why she keeps letting this happen to herself. Once a cheater, always a cheater you know? As I have tried to plead my case that “he’s hurt you once, he’s going to hurt you again.” And… she just wants to make sure that it wasn’t meant to be with him you know? She knows that deep deep down inside, this guy does not deserve someone like her, but wants to “JUST BE SURE.” 

I guess I can somewhat see what she means… Somewhat. I guess she just needs to find out the hard way, and that is exactly what she has said, that she needs to learn this lesson the hard way, so that she can know that her heart isn’t respected by him and that she can move on to someone who will treat her so much better, so that she can move on with me. It’s hard to try and let go and I’m crying day in and day out over her because I don’t want her to get hurt.